By Gwen Manickam
Nov 28 2023
KUALA LUMPUR – Newly ordained Fr Gnana Selvam Berentis fondly recalls his early fascination with the MEP priests in Malaysia. As a young altar server, he aspired to follow in their footsteps. However, as time passed, secular pursuits took centre stage and his dreams of serving in the Lord’s vineyard were pushed to the back burner. For nearly 15 years, he found himself attending church less and less frequently.
Born in Bestari Jaya (formerly known as Batang Berjuntai), Selva as he’s known to friends and family, aged 46, is the eldest among the six boys and two girls of Francis and Ronica.
“During my formative years, my father carried the entire financial burden, and it was far from smooth sailing. I aspired to achieve greater things.”
After completing his primary education at SJK Tamil Bestari Jaya and secondary schooling at SMK Sultan Sulaiman Shah, Selva moved to Klang in 1995 where he stayed with his uncle to continue his Sixth Form education.
“I harboured dreams of becoming a pilot or a lawyer, but unfortunately, the financial feasibility of these aspirations was a significant obstacle.”
Selva’s excellent academic performance secured his entry into Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, Bangi, where he pursued an undergraduate honours degree in Business, majoring in Finance. He then embarked on a career in the banking sector in 2001, steadily advancing through the ranks.
Despite steering clear of formal religious affiliations, Selva consistently engaged in charitable endeavours during his university years and throughout his professional life. With more than 15 years’ experience and roles in various financial institutions, Selva’s commitment propelled him to the position of senior manager, reaping a comfortable five-figure monthly salary. He had attained the aspirations he once envisioned, yet an underlying sense of emptiness persisted in his life.
At the age of 33, he returned to his parish, St Paul the Hermit, where he was warmly received by the then-parish priest, Fr Edwin Peter, who extended an invitation for Selva to contribute to the youth ministry.
“I admired the way he engaged with the youth, catering to their individual needs, and his overall approach to parish affairs,” Selva noted.
“Given my financial background, Fr Edwin also invited me to contribute to the Parish Finance Council. As I served at my home parish every weekend, some parishioners jokingly inquired if I had returned with marriage plans, as my presence and service in the parish became a familiar sight.”
While re-rooting himself at St Paul’s, the CEO of the bank where he worked, a devoted Methodist, highlighted the significance of embracing Christ’s teachings and practising servant leadership within the team, especially as a Christian leader in the workplace.
“It baffled me that the top finance person was advising me to keep focus on Christ when I was carrying out my work responsibilities. Additionally, he invited me and another Catholic colleague to join in regular prayer sessions at the office, scheduled during the Friday lunch hour.” The CEO also started sporadically sending him reading materials on spirituality and leadership, during non-working hours.
Selva expressed a newfound sense of inner peace and joy, evoking the return of his teenage aspirations of joining the priesthood. Eagerly anticipating the end of each work week, he hurried back to St Paul’s, relishing the time spent with fellow youths, the priest, and parishioners until his departure on Sundays back to the city.
“I slowly felt nudged to start praying and attending Mass, and I began reading articles and watching videos online about Christianity, priesthood, etc. I also initiated asking God to show me what He wants me to do in my life.”
Fr Edwin Peter was also guiding him in strengthening his spirituality, without any mention of the priesthood. Over time, he proposed that Selva become a part of the parish vocation team.
“We’d meet every Friday, light a candle and one of our prayers was for the parish to produce a priest in the next 10 years.”
In the initial year back at St Paul’s, Selva earnestly sought guidance from God, questioning whether his calling lay in marriage or the priesthood. Feeling a compelling pull toward a clerical life, Fr Edwin advised him to undertake a year-long journey alongside a priest to discern his path. For two years, Selva was under the guidance of Fr Christopher Soosaipillai as his vocation director, while Fr Surain Durai Raj took on the role of his spiritual director.
Throughout this period, everything seemed to fall into place. Selva’s spiritual life flourished significantly. Previously sporadic in going to church, Selva not only became an active participant in various parish ministries but also became a member of the Parish Coordinating Council and Parish Pastoral Council, eventually taking on the role of Parish Finance Chairman.
“I believe that was God’s way of moulding me through exposure in the various ministries.”
In 2015, at the age of 36, Selva was ready to take the proverbial plunge. Coincidentally, during that time, the bank introduced a voluntary separation scheme (VSS), an opportunity he embraced. He used the payout to settle his debts and create a small nest egg for both his parents and himself.
Meanwhile, without divulging any of this to his tightknit circle, Selva quietly participated in two vocational camps and completed psychological assessments. It was only at this point that Fr Edwin gently suggested it was time for Selva to share this news with his family. “At that time, my parents and family were not in favour and a little disappointed with my decision. Mum thought it was like the missionaries back in the day when they had to leave their home country and travel to foreign lands and their families did not see them for many years.
“Like the three Magi, Fr Edwin, Fr Surain, and Fr Albet Arockiasamy, came to visit my parents at different times to explain and help them understand the life of a diocesan priest.”
Life in the seminary was a whole other ball game. Living with people of all age groups and backgrounds, having to be humble and obedient, and being tasked with menial, daily chores quickly took a toll on Selva.
“Amidst the numerous new challenges and the transition from absolute freedom to a highly organised environment, within two weeks, I concluded that this calling was not suited to me. What ultimately pushed me over the edge was the meagre monthly allowance of RM100, a stark contrast to my previous five-figure income.
“I spoke to Fr Edwin of my desire to leave. He was very supportive and did not push me to stay or leave. One morning, as I was getting ready for Mass, I heard this message, ‘Go and see this person in Room … on level 4’. I couldn’t hear the room number, so when I asked around, the seminarians suggested the prayer room. That evening I went there and found the Blessed Sacrament in the room. As it was only Christ and me in the room, I broke down, cried, and scolded God for bringing me to this unfavourable situation.
“I heard this message: ‘I called you; I know you; I formed you before you were formed in your mother’s womb. I am with you, so do not be afraid.’
“After this experience, a serene tranquility washed over me, bringing a sense of peace and joy. Since that moment, those feelings have lingered within me, indescribable yet ever-present. Following that, despite facing tribulations and challenges, I found a newfound happiness. That moment and its message marked a point of no return for me.
“Till this moment, I feel God is with me, I am not alone, He is walking with me and I surrender to Him – Here I Am, Lord!” – Herald Malaysia
